Focus. Suggest. Heal – An article on Hypnotherapy

Article from Health-Prism that I wrote recently:

About three years ago, I became a certified hypnotherapist. It was pure coincidence that I ventured into this arena of healing. It was just a few months after my wife had succumbed to her fight with cancer that I was given a book to read by a good friend. It was “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Brian Weiss, MD, a medical doctor and psychiatrist, who uses hypnotherapy as a healing modality.

I read the book and I was intrigued and fascinated. No wonder, Weiss is today considered a leading expert in the area of past-life regression using hypnotherapy.

Healing Modality

Regardless of whether one believes in past lives and reincarnation, or not, in the United States, hypnotherapy is rapidly becoming a widely-accepted healing modality — an adjunct to conventional medicine and therapy.

Many of us have experienced the use of hypnosis by stage magicians and hypnotists who have hypnotised a willing subject to “follow every command” on stage — sometimes with a comic element to the show. This is very different to the process and purpose of hypnotherapy.

The Cleveland Clinic, US, defines hypnotherapy as follows:

“Hypnotherapy is a technique that uses the hypnotic state, which enables changes in perception and memory, a major increase in response to suggestion, and the potential for controlling many physiologic functions that are usually involuntary. Hypnotherapy uses guided relaxation, intense concentration, and focused attention to achieve a heightened state of awareness that is sometimes called a trance. The person’s attention is so focused while in this state that anything going on around the person is temporarily blocked out, or ignored. In this naturally-occurring state, a person may focus his or her attention — with the help of a trained therapist — on specific thoughts or tasks.”

No Mumbo-Jumbo

If we cut through the mumbo-jumbo, hypnotherapy is the use of hypnosis for therapeutic and healing purposes. When the subject is open-minded towards hypnotherapy, it can have manifold benefits and applications. Hypnotherapy is successfully being used to help people address, among other things:

• Sleep disorders
• Addictions such as smoking and drugs
• Fears and phobias; past trauma
• Anxiety and stress
• Weight loss
• Improved performance in sports
• Memory loss and recall
• Writer’s block
• Pain management during dental procedures, and surgery
• Grief and loss
• Depression.

This is only a small list of the potential applications of hypnotherapy.

I myself work mainly with cancer patients, helping them prepare for surgery, or other treatment modalities. In these situations, hypnotherapy can help diminish fear and provide imagery of healing and recovery.

A Growing Field

Hypnotherapy is a rapidly-expanding field. Compared with traditional therapeutic modalities, the results of a relatively brief series of hypnotherapy sessions are often swift and more effective and lasting. It is no surprise why so many professionals already in the healing arts are implementing hypnosis within their practices. Physicians, dentists, chiropractors, psychologists, social workers, marriage counsellors, nurses, massage practitioners, electrologists and physical therapists are among the many who are enthusiastically embracing hypnotherapy.

Very often, I find that people get quite concerned when they hear about hypnotherapy. Questions arise such as, “Will my mind be altered?”, “Will I be unconscious?”, and “Will I remember anything”? There are the many myths associated with hypnotherapy which need debunking.

In the hands of a trained and qualified hypnotherapist, hypnotherapy is a safe and gentle process. In very basic terms, the hypnotherapist, through the use of one or more methods of inducing a state of deep relaxation in the subject, accesses the subconscious mind in order to offer suggestions for healing and transformation. These can be direct or even indirect suggestions. During most of our awakened periods, we are aware of our conscious minds and working with it. Our subconscious mind has receded into the background. We can only access our subconscious mind during this deep state of relaxation caused by hypnosis, or through intense meditation.

Personal Transformation

What is important, however, is that any meaningful personal transformation that has ever occurred in or out of therapy resulted from a shift in the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is the seat and source of all our emotions, imagination, memory, habits and intuition. It is the core, the essence, of how we experience ourselves and the world. If we believe in reincarnation, we believe that our subconscious mind holds the experiences and memories of all of our past lives.

Many Olympic athletes, swimmers and gymnasts, not to speak of cricketers, have successfully used hypnotherapy and guided imagery to condition their subconscious minds towards increased performance.

So, what is a visit to a hypnotherapist like? Let me begin by saying that one should not expect results from just a single session or two. Deep-seated phobias and behavioural patterns didn’t occur overnight and we can’t expect to remove them overnight either. Generally speaking, one can expect some results after about 5-6 sessions. It can also take longer. But, it does work in the majority of people.

Typical Session

Typically, during the first session, the hypnotherapist will probably not do any hypnosis on the subject/client at all. This is the intake session, where the hypnotherapist probes and asks questions regarding the issue [or, issues] the subject/client is facing. Or, whether the subject/client has been exposed to hypnotherapy before and what concerns or fears the subject/client has about hypnotherapy itself.

Starting with the second session, the hypnotherapist would use a three-step process to implant suggestions of healing or behavioural change into the subconscious mind of the subject/client. These three steps, or phases of the session, are 1] Induction, 2] Post-hypnotic suggestions, and 3] Retrieval or Revival.

During the Induction phase, the therapist uses one or more techniques to gently induce the subject/client into a state of deep relaxation. The subject/client is never “out” and is always aware during the whole process. I have seen hypnotherapists induce this state of deep relaxation in their subjects/clients within a couple of minutes, and others who have taken as much as 20 minutes. It depends entirely on the issue the subject/client is facing and on the practitioner.

Once the subject is in this wonderfully relaxed state, the hypnotherapist offers specific suggestions and instructions to the subconscious mind that address the specific issue/s the subject/client is dealing with. The subconscious mind does NOT accept suggestions that it would consider harmful to itself, or to others. That is the way it is conditioned. In other words, we cannot be programmed to go out and do harm to ourselves, or to others! Quite often, this phase can also be a dialogue between the hypnotherapist and the subject/client, while s/he is “under” hypnosis.

The Revival phase is quite rapid and allows the subject/client to gently come back to the state of being fully awake and alert and present. Generally speaking, the hypnotherapist will conduct a debriefing session with the subject/client at the end to discuss the experience.

I have found that an array of factors separate a successful session from a less-than-satisfying one.

“Open Up” To Healing

The more motivated and open-minded the subject/client, the better will be the results. I have seen hypnotherapy work with sceptical people who come in with a true sense of wanting change and accepting this modality helps a great deal. Secondly, if the therapist is experienced and has a tool-kit of many different approaches and techniques, and most importantly, is creative, intuitive and flexible, wonderful results maybe achieved.

Compassion on the part of the therapist plays an important role in the process of induction and post-hypnotic suggestion. Thirdly, if the rapport between the subject/client and the therapist is good and the therapist takes a holistic approach going beyond just the face-value issue the subject/client has mentioned, deep healing can take place. When choosing a hypnotherapist, assess whether the professional’s voice is soothing and calming, and if there is a measure of trust, as both these elements contribute to a successful outcome.

Learning self-hypnosis, by the way, can be almost as important as visiting a hypnotherapist. Anyone can learn it — it is a tremendous tool for self-discovery.

Hypnotherapy has a definite place in the future of healing. It is one of the most exciting tools for re-empowering people to take charge of their spiritual, physical and mental health and well-being.

How to be boring and predictable….or NOT?

I was having breakfast yesterday (yes, where else but The Half Day Cafe) and Erica, my regular waitress, came over to get my order. “The usual? Egg white omelet with spinach, corn, mushrooms and green chilies? Grilled tomato slices on the side? No bread or potatoes?” she asked.

In that moment, I thought to myself, “OMG, how pathetic. I’ve become so predictable and boring. I’ve forgotten that I have choices, even healthy ones. I have the same old thing every single day.” Something in me rebelled. She had thrown down the veritable glove. I love challenges.

With a smirk (I really don’t know if I pulled it off. The smirk, I mean), I said, “Erica, I’ll have two eggs over and easy, wheat toast, bacon on the crispy side, but lets go with the usual grilled tomato slices.” Poor Erica almost fainted. “Is something wrong?” she asked. I assured her that all was well.

The breakfast was outstanding and I left with a real sense of accomplishment!

If we come to think of it, many of us are creatures of habit. I know I am. We love our comfort zones and like to stay within them. Steffi used to often complain, “You never try anything new.” Some habits just don’t die. If we are predominantly left-brained and analytical, we tend to be less creative in our choices and are prone to becoming predictable in our thinking, in what we wear, what we eat, our relationships, and so much more.

After coming back from breakfast yesterday, I started thinking about this issue. I reviewed my behavior patterns – eating, dressing, reading, movies, music, choice of vacation destination, etc. – and actually began to write down these patterns. I was quite horrified to note how one-tracked the direction of my choices were! I then started to write down acceptable other tracks (and yes, the left-brain in me was analyzing). Wow, this was exciting and revealing!

Predictability can be a good trait, but it can also be synonymous with BORING. Bringing variety and new experiences into our lives can help us in our own personal growth and self-development, in our relationships and in how we view the world and our environment, in general. If we can begin to celebrate choices and act upon them, life becomes interesting and colorful and magical; and so do we as individuals.

Every day, I used to go to the gym and hit the treadmill and follow-up on the weight machines. Now, I supplement the treadmill every so often with a hike or a swim. It feels different not just physically, but emotionally too. I just have to start doing this with other choices too.

Researchers are finding out that people who live their lives with gusto in terms of the variety and breath of their choices, live healthier and more satisfied lives and have healthier and more satisfied relationships than those who confine themselves to a very limited palette.

And no, I’m not going to stray away from the Half Day Cafe anytime soon.

Understanding the concept of “Wisdom”

A visitor to this blog wrote a comment on a recent posting that read:

Wish you find wisdom in your journey, don’t forget to share your happiness.

I thank this individual for this comment. Not just for reading my blog and making the effort to post a comment but also for prompting me to think about the nature of “wisdom” and “finding it”.

When I gave talks during my corporate days, I used to discuss wisdom and defined it as

the accumulation of all the screw-ups in my life up till now!

So in part, wisdom is a result of past experiences, and the learnings we have gained from these experiences. I guess, we could call it “experiential wisdom”.

Along our individual journeys as members of the human species, we uniquely go through the experiences of childhood, adolescence, adulthood and aging. As we progress through these phases of life, we have good experiences and bad ones. Being a student, an athlete, dating, falling in love, marriage, divorce, having children, owning a home, losing a home, getting a job, losing a job, making money, losing money, making friends, losing friendships, building a company, seeing the company succeed or seeing it fail, fighting for our country, falling ill, losing a spouse or a parent or a child, being a caregiver, and on and on and on.

If we faithfully kept a journal since the day of our birth, we would have thousands upon thousands of entries! And, if we just as faithfully, reviewed every entry and asked ourselves, “what did we learn from this particular experience”?, and we differentiated between those experiences that allowed us to grow and that we wanted repeated in our lives from those where we didn’t see growth, we would be one step further in becoming a tad wiser.

Hardly anyone I know does this in the manner I’ve described. And yet, intuitively, we have an understanding of our learnings from these accumulated experiences.

Then there is the wisdom that comes from exposure to books, teachers, gurus, movies and music.

Let’s give it a name and call it “sourced wisdom”.

And here again, wisdom does not emanate from the reading of the book or from the teaching of the guru or from the listening of the music. It is from the experience of ‘incorporation’ and ‘action’. I know so many friends and acquaintances who have gone from guru to guru, teacher to teacher and have read hundreds of books. They visit countless satsangs, and seminars and workshops. They seek and seek and seek without stopping to pause and reflect as to how they could convert what they have learnt and experienced into action, into ‘doing’. These are usually people with a highly evolved right-brain. They haven’t become comfortable in embracing the left side of their brains to the same degree. Left-brainers don’t believe in seeking; for them knowledge is the same as wisdom, which of course, is a fallacy.

Deepak Chopra and Jack Canfield are two terrific examples of successful seekers who are doers at the same time. They brilliantly convert their wisdoms and teachings into ‘doing’ through the hard work that goes into writing books, doing workshops, consulting with corporations and helping society. There are others, you get the point.

Then, we often refer to something we call “inner wisdom”.

I have a personal view on this that not everyone may share. Inner wisdom is more than what we term as ‘gut feeling’ or ‘intuition’. I happen to believe that every one of us has a soul and I happen to believe that our soul has only one function – to observe, to experience and to learn from the experience of life. The soul is non-local and non-judgmental.

I believe in reincarnation and past lives. In other words, our souls have experienced the learnings from many lives. In hypnotherapy, we speak of the sub-conscious. Referring to the soul, Deepak Chopra recently told me at a workshop that he likes to call it the “supra-conscious”.

Just to digress for a moment, if you haven’t read “Many Lives, Many Masters” by Brian Weiss, then you should. Dr. Weiss, a medical professional and psychotherapist, is one of the world’s leading experts on past-life regression.

Getting back to “inner wisdom”, for me it makes sense that what we often think of as sixth sense, or gut feeling or intuition, that comes from deep within, is really the cumulative wisdom of our supra-conscious, our soul through the experience of many lives. Tapping into this ‘inner wisdom’ proactively becomes relatively easy, if one knows and understands psychic attributes, hypnosis, self-hypnosis and deep meditation. Trying to get the attention of your inner wisdom while driving on the highway is next to impossible; but, attempting to communicate with one’s supra-consciousness during deep meditation or during a hypnotherapy session can lead to healing, understanding of traumas and in general, to an understanding of Self.

Regardless of the type of wisdom, it is cumulative. I don’t think that at any given time one can say, “I am now wise; I have found wisdom”. Gautama Buddha and Jesus Christ were two beings who found enlightenment within one lifetime. That happens in the rarest of occasions. For most of us, wisdom comes in bits and pieces, over a lifetime.

I wrote this piece off the cuff and late in the evening. I may still do a few edits and additions.

The Taste of Life!

Why is it that some of the most life affirming, joyful and soulful movies are about food? Food is a universal language of love. It sustains us. In all cultures, the preparing, cooking and savoring of food binds families and bridges differences.

The culinary experience is an experience of the soul.

Like Water for Chocolate

Here are my favorite 10 food movies:

1.   Like Water for Chocolate
2.   Eat Drink Man Woman
3.   Babette’s Feast
4.   Mostly Martha
5.   Woman on Top
6.   Big Night
7.   Tortilla Soup
8.   Chocolat
9.   Tampopo
10. What’s Cooking

Bonus movie: Ratatouille

If you love food and you love good movies, then watch these.

Awakening – Final Part, The journey continues

These are my concluding thoughts on this series of postings I have called “Awakening”.

Today, three and a half years after Steffi’s passing, I feel stronger than ever – physically, emotionally and spiritually. As I have mentioned before in an earlier posting, healing can only have a lasting effect if the process is holistic.

Today, I work with people who have gone through loss in helping them recognize their options for healing. I am writing two books on my personal journey and the lessons that I have learned.

On the physical fitness side, I have successfully lost 20 pounds during these years and kept them off. I watch my diet and exercise at least four times a week. I walk or hike almost every day. When we are on the Big Island, I swim about a mile in the ocean daily. I have also been successful in normalizing those bio markers that were out of whack – my weight, my blood pressure, my blood sugar and my cholesterol.

More dramatic however, have been the changes on the emotional and spiritual side of the equation, given that I was practically starting at zero.

Here is the essence of what someone who knew me really well said to me after Steffi’s passing:

Steffi spoilt you and you’re not prepared emotionally or spiritually to be on your own. You’ve never had a spiritual foundation to speak of. You were never ‘present’ in your family. Your relationship with your kids is fragile. You are irritable and angry. You get easily stressed. You behave irrationally on the highway when you drive. Your ego gets ahead of you and you tend to be judgmental about people. And, you don’t listen and keep yourself open to new experiences. You really need to get your act together.

I don’t think these messages sunk in for a while. I had to define my journey of self-discovery and healing for myself.

Over the next weeks and months, I had to revise my pre-conceived notions about so many things.

Very briefly, here are a few of the learnings that have contributed to my making lasting changes in behavior:

• I had to accept that Steffi was no more and that some good had to come out of her passing
• I had to accept that I had choices – to stay in darkness or to come out and heal
• I had to be open to ‘right-brained’ activities and experiences
• I had to understand what an ‘opening of the heart’ meant and allow myself to become vulnerable
• In some ways, I had to offer healing to others in order to heal myself
• I had to learn self-forgiveness
• I had to be willing to let new friends, new teachers and new wisdoms into my life.

I read books that I would have never dreamt of touching before. I listened to people with life experiences and teachings that I would have considered ‘woo woo’ in the past. I went through intense personal growth and healing experiences and workshops. I allowed my heart to open and let love in – with my kids, with my friends and family and with Penelope. I started giving back earnestly – in many ways. For the first time, I allowed the creative side of me to flourish. I continued to honor Steffi’s memory. I developed a spiritual perspective that allowed me, again for the very first time, to understand the Divine. Out of this spiritual perspective came a spiritual practice, of which daily meditation plays an ever-increasing role.

Most importantly, I stopped taking myself so seriously. Being mindful and less judgmental seems easier when I can learn to laugh at myself.

I have become intensely curious about life.

In these last three years, I have experienced more from a personal growth perspective that I had in the past six decades.

The journey is exciting, it is fulfilling, it is refreshing in terms of the new things it brings.

The journey continues.

I’m being interviewed!

On the 28th of this month, I have been invited to be a guest on The Tazz and Paula Show on KKUP in Santa Clara, CA. This is a first for me and I’m pretty stoked! Check out the website and if you can’t tune in, you will be able to download the podcast of the interview.

The Tazz and Paula Show has been around since 1987. They interview scientists, meta-physicists, healers, recording artists, to name a few. I feel honored to be a guest on their show.

From their website:

If you have a mission or a joy that leaps from your heart, we invite you to join our radio show where doors are opened for community and self-empowerment.

Tazz and Paula bring to you mind expanding interviews with leaders in the fields of health, spirituality, politics, science and more. Their warm and intimate interviewing styles bring out the magnetic charm and essential thoughts of some of the most extraordinary people you will ever listen to.

The Tazz and Paula co-host combo began in 1989 in Cupertino, California when a mutual media friend urged them to meet.

Our collective journey as a species….

As I was doing research for my book today, I came across this picture and was struck by how much we have changed and how far we have come as a Nation and as a species. Or haven’t we?

The way we were....and today?

This picture needs no words of description. It speaks for itself. It is a sad reminder of a sad aspect of our country’s history and of the challenges we still face here and around the world.

On the one hand, this year, the Democratic Party will have as it’s nominee for President of the United States, a brilliant African-American; a sign of how far we have come since this picture was taken no more than fifty or sixty years ago, in terms of race relations and equal opportunity for all.

And yet, racism and divisiveness continues to be rampant, both latently and openly, not only in this country, but across the world.

In my own country of origin India, the caste system is alive and thriving, in spite of being legally abolished. Intermarriage between the castes is still a no-no in most Indian families. The dowry system still has an underground following.

Translated to the U.S., the sight of a white girl dating a man of color in many southern states continues to be a rarity. Immigrants from Asia are treated differently than those from Europe. The slanderous words “limey”, “dago” and “eytie” have been replaced by “greaser”, “gook” and “curry-eater”. We decimated the population of the Native Americans and marginalized them. Many African Americans continue to struggle to reach the higher steps on the social ladder. And, we turn a blind eye to white poverty in the Appalachian mountains and elsewhere.

Sunni and Shia muslims across the world are at odds with each other, women in many countries still have to fight for their rights and sexual orientation is a campaign issue in this country. The Abrahamic religions are very clear on the differences between them in spite of a mutually common source of inspiration. The Holocaust, the genocides of Darfur and of the indigenous people of South America by the white invaders, that of Cambodia by the Khmer Rouge, and others in our history will continue to remind us of our imperfections as a human race.

The Ivy League in the U.S., the U.K. with it’s public school system and Oxfam, and France and Japan with their elitist universities also are reminders that we thrive on celebrating not just excellence, but our societal differences. We love our private golf clubs and our private yacht clubs so that we can be among “ourselves”.

We laugh at fat people, short people, people with accents, people who think differently. We tear down the political opponent instead of having a rational debate on the issues. Laughter is one thing, but what happens when laughter becomes violence?

No, I’m not advocating socialism. Nor am I suggesting that we all become Buddhist monks overnight.

I am just intrigued by what makes us tick. And what it’s going to take to bring about global changes in attitudes with regard to how we look at each other as fellow humans.

Believe me, I was as judgmental as the next person out there. I had so many preconceived biases that were a result of my upbringing and my pre-conditioning. The interesting aspect about this is that I didn’t pause to think that I was being judgmental. I just was.

I don’t think I have stopped being judgmental. But, I think my awareness has increased when I am judgmental and I try and stop myself and I try and go first into a space of neutral observation. It is not easy.

But, in recent years, I am coming to understand better what almost all ancient and indigenous wisdoms have known for ions about our species and how we relate to each other.

The ancient traditions of the Native Americans, the Indios of Mexico and South America, the Hawaiians and Polynesians, the aborigines of Australia, the Hindus, and of people in many other parts of the world, teach that the Divine is Spirit, cosmic energy. These traditions teach further that this universal Divine force, this cosmic energy is within every human, every plant, every animal, every bird, every insect and every rock.

Mana, prana, chi, qi, Life Force and Spirit are some of the names given to the manifestation of this Divine energy. Across the universe, it creates, it sustains and it destroys.

It is no wonder that these cultures have a different view with regard to Nature, the environment, sustainability, how we treat our elders and ourselves as fellow human beings.

For us left-brainers, there is a wonderful logic to it, if we just think about it.

If indeed, this Divine aspect is within every one of us, shouldn’t we begin to notice that aspect in our fellow humans, rather than how they think, look or speak? Wouldn’t we begin to thank the plant, fish or animal that gave its life for us because it too has an aspect of the Divine?

The Dalai Lama was asked what it was that inspired him. His response was:

I am inspired by the experience of every person that I meet.

Jerry Jampolsky is a noted author, speaker, humanitarian and a wonderful personal friend. Jerry has this great saying that he shared with me:

The Light in You is all that I see; it is but a reflection of the Light in Me…..

Just like the addage “charity begins at home”, changes with regard to how we view each other and treat each other begins at home, at school, at work….one person at a time.

Daddy, daddy, daddy…..

As is my ritual every now and then, instead of having breakfast at home with Penelope, I found myself this morning at my favorite breakfast place, the Half Day Cafe, having a cup of java and my egg-white omelet with spinach, chili peppers and mushrooms. This occurs when my lady goes of on her own to her dance class or to the farmer’s market.

I love the Half Day Cafe and its ambiance (no, not getting paid to write this). Great food and wonderful service. I’ve been going there for years. The staff knows me and breakfast there is for me almost a spiritual experience! I leave a happy camper with an uplifted spirit, not to mention a satisfied stomach.

No different than other occasions, I started skimming the newspaper and doing a bit of the usual people watching.

My attention was soon diverted to a table close to mine. A relatively young couple with daughters, perhaps three and six respectively, were having breakfast. Over a period of five or six minutes, I observed that the older child was desperately trying to get the attention of her father. She obviously had something important to tell him. She kept saying “daddy, daddy….”, then she made noises and faces and gesticulating. Her expression went from excitement and anticipation to anguish. Her daddy wasn’t listening, he wasn’t there.

During this period, her father and mother were conversing and reading the newspaper. Every now and then, they would address the younger child. It was as if they were oblivious to the older daughter trying to get their attention.

As the father left to take the younger one to the bathroom, I heard the older daughter tell her mom “daddy doesn’t want to talk to me”.

I am sure that this is a very loving family. The father probably spends a lot of quality time with both his daughters and probably went for a walk with her that morning.

And yet, this brief episode stayed with me.

I was struck by the look on this little girl’s face as she tried to get her father’s attention. For a few fleeting moments, I saw anguish, desperation and sadness. It seemed to me that her soul was weeping.

As I was driving home, I continued to reflect and wondered how often I had been in this father’s situation when my kids were that young and how often I had responded in like manner.

I am fairly sure it was often. What a lost opportunity to be aware, present, responsive and most importantly, to feed a child’s soul.

I fully understand that a parent cannot be held hostage to a child’s every whim and fancy. But, on the other hand, listening to what children have to say to us, especially when they are very young, can bring wonderful insights and wisdoms. I once read that the human species is closest to the Divine when we are very young, because we still remember our soul’s journey. As we get older, we have to make so much more effort to find and touch the Divine. There is the story about the older child standing in front of the playpen of the younger sibling asking “Can you tell me about God before I forget”?

Listening is one of the best ways to nurture and to show love. We humans are unique in our ability to listen with emotion. What better way in nurturing and loving our children than listening to them when they have something to say.

When someone says about a deceased parent “He/she was always there for me”, more often than not, they mean that they listened to what we had to say.

Messages for posterity

I wonder if you’ve felt the way I do about missing the voice or the sight of someone who is no longer in your life because they died?

I had never thought to take video clips of Steffi or record her voice when she was still around. Even her cheerful voice on the recorder of the telephone was erased. What a gift this would have been for those who loved her to have a CD or a video clip of her with messages for the family or her best friends.

I was so moved and inspired recently by Prof. Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture”. What a brilliant idea to leave behind for his kids his last lecture as a professor – which was basically messages for them to hear and assimilate after he was gone and when they were old enough to grasp. What an act of love!

So why do we have to be at death’s door to think about leaving messages of love or wisdom or forgiveness? We should be doing this anyway as part of the human experience.

In the West, as we prepare for the eventuality of our final moments, we take great pains to think of our wills, the way we want to be cremated or buried, who we want at our memorial service. I think some folks even plan their own wakes!

So why is it that only in the rarest of occasions do we think of creating “messages for posterity”? Surely, it is not just brilliant professors who have lessons to share for those they leave behind?

Yes, blogging is one way of doing that. But, we all could certainly create tapes or CDs or video clips with specific messages for loved ones and friends. I can only imagine the joy that a daughter feels on her wedding day to see a video clip of her deceased father or mother with a message of love for her.

Or, for a grandchild to get to “meet” the grandfather he or she never knew.

We don’t need to be prolific writers or film producers or high-tech savvy to do any of these things. Current computing technology and the internet have given us a wealth of tools that we can put to use to create meaning in the lives of our loved ones after we are gone. These are really the tools of a certain kind of immortality.

Imagine how the family of an older person with Alzheimer’s would feel about listening to the lucid voice and thoughts of the person who is no longer “present” if someone had taken the time and made the effort to create a “message for posterity”.

I am as guilty as the next person in not having followed through on so many significant things that I wanted to do. But, the inspiration that I have gotten through Randy Pausch’s story has certainly given me the impetus to create my own “last lecture”.

So often, as we approach our final days, regardless of our individual health situation, we have the “I wish” moments. I wish I could have said this to this person or I wish I could have expressed my regret to that person.

Ideally, we would live each day as if it were our last – practicing mindfulness, speaking our love, forgiving and asking for forgiveness as we go along. None of us knows if we will live to see another sunrise. So, living and speaking our truth realtime every day becomes a mandate.

But the creation of messages to loved ones and dear friends that we leave behind, even in the distant future, is a wonderful opportunity for sharing of values, life lessons and love.

So, what life lessons have we learned? What were some of our successes and failures? What are our dearest wishes for those who come after? What are some of our ancestral stories? What are the wisdoms of our culture, our clan and our particular family?

Our words, our stories, our smiles, our voices can be precious and powerful gifts that can, with proper planning, live on after we are long gone.

The thing with the Blue Placard….

When my wife Steffi was going through her treatments for multiple Myeloma, she received a blue disability parking placard. These are the placards a disabled person receives from the Department of Motor Vehicles so that one may park in the spaces reserved for such people. Alternatively, one can also get a disabled person’s license plate.

Anyway, she had one of these blue placards as a result of her many surgeries and treatments. When she couldn’t drive anymore, I used it in my car as I drove her around. It was a useful thing to have.

After she died, a strange thing happened.

At least for a couple of months, I continued to use the placard when I parked somewhere! Even today, I cannot rationalize my behavior with regard to the blue placard.

I know in my heart that I wasn’t trying to take advantage of the system. So, what else was going on? Was I trying to hang on to the memory of my wife by having it in front of me while I was driving? Was I trying to project her difficult time and suffering on to myself to alleviate my “guilt” at not having been able to help her more? Was this my way of acknowledging that I could feel sorry for myself? Was I trying to diminish my own wounds and hurting?

In any case, after a few weeks, the realization hit me that this was pretty pathetic! How could I heal in mind, body and spirit if I allowed a blue piece of plastic to become an emotional crutch?

It was an amazingly liberating moment the day I went in to the DMV to return the placard.

It was also a learning.

Often, we are unaware of self-imposed barriers that come in the way of healing and enlightened behavior. A swift kick in the pants by a friend or a loved one, or a moment of self-realization often are the triggers for changes in behavior that can facilitate and accelerate healing.

No more blue placards or other crutches for me as long as I’m healthy – in mind, body and spirit.